Finding comfort…

This letter was written on April 7, 2010, the day that my grandmother passed away. It was addressed to our close family members.

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Dear Family,

This morning Ron and I were met with great emotional conflict as we mourned the loss of Lola and prepared to share the news that we were expecting our first baby. It had been our plan for the last week (just found out on Sunday), to tell the family of our wonderful news once we’d received the “okay” from our first ultrasound (this morning) confirming that the baby was okay and had implanted in the uterus (I had been having some bad cramping and was scared for an ectopic pregnancy).

It was a sad, sad day for us, but as the midwife showed us the image of our baby’s profile on the ultrasound screen, she comforted us with the words, “for a life loss, a new one begins… do you see the heart beating?“…. A beating heart was not something Ron and I were expecting this early on.  And the ironic thing is our due date is in November, Lola’s birthday month.

We share this with you because originally that was our intention for today… we weren’t planning on waiting past the *first trimester scare*, at least not with our families, and now more than ever, we’re not even worried about the first trimester scare because we know Lola’s strong spirit is with us.

We don’t mean to be insensitive about Lola’s passing, and we did contemplate about whether or not to wait, but we can’t help but remember the words that the midwife had said to us earlier this morning, that life always comes full circle. And atleast for us, it was very special because we truly found comfort in the midwife’s words …. (And again another ironic thing, I had a midwife (Lola’s profession), not an OB doctor doing my checkup)…. . We just wish Lola had known too, and it is sad knowing we were only literally hours late in letting her know. Regardless however, we know, she knows… And we could see her face light up, the blue twinkle in her eyes, the radiance of her smile, the warmth of her embrace, and the tickle from her “grandma kisses”.

We believe that her spirit is definitely in each and every one of us and with that, we find solace in knowing that she is in the loving hands of God.

Love you all,
Kristine and Ron